Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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