We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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