She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
