We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
