Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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