please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
