from now on my penis is your penis
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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