im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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