just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
