mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
