even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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