My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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