i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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