I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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