I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
