I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
