4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
even my farts smell like vagina
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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