do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
