**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
