she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
