My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
