Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
