remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
