your parents love me but you hate me
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
