One girl and one boy is just not enough.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
