I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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