I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
