So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
