Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
