so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
