I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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