If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
