The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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