I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
