Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
