whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
