As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
