I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
