he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
