Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
