thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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