So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
