Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
