Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
