I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
