Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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