well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
