You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
