Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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