So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
