that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
