A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
